Boo.

Uh...hello, old friends...haven't been able to put two words together properly with the whirlwind and upheaval around here. A maelstrom (word of the, well, month) of activity, emotion, and dog hair. Oh, and fleas.

I haven't forgotten the Creative Clutter Collector's Contest - it's on the agenda for a week from sometime. We've just arrived in South Carolina and need to relax and regroup and recreate for a little while.

In the meantime, to fill the gap, I submit, for lack of anything better, the actual email I just sent our new housesitter, a lovely woman who has no idea what she's in for.
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Hiya Pamela, I'm finally here (at my mommy's) and settling down to write. I surely hope you have jumped on the laptop and been able to get online! If not, I guess you're not reading this...duh. I'm not the sharpest tack in the junk drawer.

Thank you again for your willingness to hold down the fort for us! It puts me quite at ease knowing you're there and that Buddy will not expire from separation anxiety.

I believe Nancy told you where Buddy's leash is; he doesn't need to be walked, but loves it when he is (in case you don't believe me, ask him - but it would be wise to be ready with the leash if you do, trust me on this). It's a nice walk around the block. Don't be intimidated by any thug-looking, saggy-pants rapper-wannabes; they're scared to death of Buddy and would scream like girls if he got near - this I know from experience;-).

His and Kiki's food is in the cupboard under the microwave. Forgot to run to the store this morning for more - I'll ask Nancy to take care of that. You should be okay for several days. Buddy, by the way, likes a little cat food with his dog food (it used to be the other way around).

The best bedroom to sleep in would probably be the front room (tan). It's the biggest bed and you'll need plenty of room with all those animals joining you (sorry about that). It's also the coolest. Feel free to adjust the a/c. The middle room (purple) has a/c, too, but it's leaking some, so it's off right now, but it can be used. The back room (blue) has no a/c. All the beds have clean sheets, though, so feel free to rotate as your hot flashes dictate!

If you have trouble getting the TV to cooperate, let me know. There are movies upstairs in the hall bookcase, by the way. Nothing better than an evening of popcorn, Jr. Mints (you'll need to provide those, they don't last in this house) and Enchanted, with a little Pride & Prejudice thrown in (poor Mike, this is such a girly home).

Buddy has flea medicine (the hard stuff) on his neck, as Nancy hopefully mentioned. It should be dry soon. If his scratching drives you absolutely nuts, you may want to stick a dog bed on the floor (I believe there's one in Beth's room) and command him to "stay" there instead of on the bed. Good luck with that.

And sorry about the stink. We were planning to bathe him but ran out of time, and with this skin condition that's making him itch, there's an accompanying odor, kind of like low tide...in Gahenna. Feel free to douse him in perfume. We do all the time. No, seriously. His is the peppermint spray in the front bedroom, I kid you not.

You insisted on a to-do list, so here goes:

1. Bathe the cat

2. Just kidding about #1.

3. I'm getting sleepy, so your to-do task is to entertain yourself until tomorrow, when I will be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and will send you another, hopefully less wacky, email.

Sleep tight!