Ready For Some Randomness?

I know, I know...I haven't posted in forever. It's a good time for a post full of randomness to catch y'all up on the highlights. Ready?

So...I learned a lesson the other day: don't tie a 15-pound dog to a 60-pound dog. It won't bode well for the 15-pound dog. Clearly I didn't think it through when I tied the ends of their leashes together. They were at church with me, and I thought it would make it less likely for them to sneak off. I certainly didn't consider that Boo might break into a run while Buddy was busy paying attention to an itchy spot on his own behind. The ramifications of my foolishness dawned on me at that point, but I was thwarted in my attempts to chase after the dogs by side-splitting laughter. I couldn't help myself. That laughter caught in my throat when I made mistake of calling Boo to me when he was stopped between some seats. For once, he responded immediately with a leap and a lunge. I thought Buddy was a goner.

I'm happy to report that both dogs are fine and snoring away right now:

I always buy my Thanksgiving turkey just a little too late for it to be fully thawed in time. I stuck it in a cold water bath in the kitchen sink Wednesday evening as I prepared some other items, but it was still pretty hard at bedtime. Since it can't be completely submerged in the sink (I have to keep rotating it), I decided to pop it into the tub overnight. I ran that tub water forever and the rump was still showing...did you know that turkeys float? (Frozen ones anyway.) So I scrounged around for something to use as a weight. I wonder what Mike thought when he got up in the night to go to the bathroom and saw a gallon paint can sitting on a turkey sitting in the tub.

I'm happy to report that none of us got trichinosis. Or telekinesis. Or whatever.

Both Mike and I have had falls recently - Mike tried to kick a basketball out of the way so no one would trip over it. Ah, the irony. His foot rolled over it and he hit the ground in his only good suit (it was Sunday). Don't tell him, but I can hardly type this from chuckling so hard.... So I was carrying a giant box of toys across the room last week and stepped on a toy truck. Next-thing-you-know, I was doing a slow-motion split and there wasn't a blessed thing I could do about it. At some point, before I really pulled a muscle, I tipped over. I'm no Mary Lou Retton.

I'm also no longer the parent of a teenager - Flutterbug turned twenty in October (teeny sob). In celebration, we all went to a concert at a local church. I forgot to bring gum, and I like having fresh breath when I'm in close quarters with other people. I dug around in my purse and found one of those plastic bottles of gel toothpaste. Squeezed a tiny dollop onto my finger and licked it and swished it around in my mouth. It did the trick. I pulled it out again during the intermission and did the same thing. Then I offered some to Mike. He said, "Sure," and I squeezed a bit onto his finger. Then he clapped his hands together and rubbed the toothpaste all over them, while I stared at him with my mouth agape. Flutterbug managed to tell him it wasn't hand sanitizer and I found enough of a voice to snort and then laugh 'til I cried. That guy is a one-man comedy show.

My new skinny jeans are defective. They have utterly failed me. I didn't mean to buy them - I didn't even know they were "skinny" until I yanked off the label that said, "Skinny." I'm thinking that once the size goes into double digits, a better label would be, "Moderately Lanky Below the Knees." So they do their job as long as I wear them with a dress. Flutterbug said, "If DAD ever buys skinny jeans, I'll die." That was the same day that she told me, "The thing in front of the thing is the thing that Boo threw up on." She's so quotable.

I could go on all night...our life would make a great reality show - just following our huge Victory Home truck around town, which can't go in reverse, would make a hilarious storyline. But I'm getting sleepy, so consider yourselves caught up. And don't worry a bit about Buddy; he bounced back quite well from that leash fiasco, and recovered perfectly from having his head rolled up in the car window the same evening.


Brenda Christmas said...

I accidentally snorted while laughing about your mishaps! There should be a sitcom called "Leave It to the Ellises." ;-)

Lainie said...

I shouldn't say this, but you guys are getting too old to keep falling. One of these days you're going to really hurt something (like a hip). At my age, the doctor keeps track of your falls and if the total is too high, they try to ship you off to a nursing home. I'm just saying!